The Secrets of a Successful Marriage

Coming back on the plane from Las Vegas 10 days ago I gave myself some time to enjoy a glossy magazine or two – something I haven’t done in the past couple of months with all my NLPing.  An anecdote from one of those magazines stuck in my mind – unfortunately which magazine and who was being interviewed didn’t!  It could have been Gwyneth Paltrow talking about a conversation with her father…..or perhaps not…..

Anyways, get on with it, what was that anecdote I hear you ask?!  Well a daughter was asking her father about his thoughts on a successful marriage and how he had managed to be married for so long.  He told her that the secret to a successful marriage is (i) having the same dreams and (ii) not both wanting a divorce at the same moment!  That tickled my sense of humour and the more I thought about it, the more I thought how right he was…

It stuck in my head and then to add to it I read  this post by Michael Hyatt the other day – What I Learned About Leadership from a Fight With My Wife.  He writes an excellent blog called ‘Intentional Leadership’ that’s well worth a browse.  Perhaps you’ve noticed that as part of my re-design I added a new pages ‘Recommended Blogs’ to my site this week.  If you’ve come across any great blogs please feel free to send them to me to look at and consider adding.

So what about NLP and relationships?  How could NLP help you to develop and sustain a successful relationship or even a marriage?  Here’s 3 quick ideas you can act on today:

1. You could start from something as simple as the presuppositions of NLP – print them out and stick them up on the fridge.  Talk them through with your partner and what they mean for both of you.  Revisit them every day and work on embedding them as the foundation of your relationship.   Next time something your partner does (or doesn’t do) gets to you, take a deep breath and remember – everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have available!

2. What about values, do you know what’s important to your partner about your relationship?  Or any relationship for that matter?  Just suppose that you could find out something interesting and useful if you asked your partner – what’s important to you about our relationship?  And what else?  I’ll guarantee you’ll find out a few things that will surprise you and a few more where the proverbial light bulb will go off…

3. Finally what about putting yourself in their shoes when looking at a situation and considering how they feel about it?  Or you could even switch off all mind reading for a week and assume you don’t know what they’re thinking and equally why should they be able to guess what you’re thinking?!  It’s amazing how much you’ll find you were assuming that wasn’t even true.

That’s just 3 ideas – NLP can be useful in 1000’s of other ways when it comes to relationships.  What other things do you think make for a successful marriage or long-term relationship? 

[Picture credit – NLP THIRTEEN (…we were laughing as I couldn’t get his wedding ring on his finger!)]

© Jacqui Gatehouse and NLP THIRTEEN, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jacqui Gatehouse and NLP THIRTEEN with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


3 responses to “The Secrets of a Successful Marriage

  1. Jacqui, thank you for this post. I’ve been staying at my sister’s these past few days and marveling at her wonderful marriage. I sat in bed the other evening making notes for a blog on ‘what makes a great marriage’ (and then yours landed in my inbox yesterday! My sister and her husband have been married since 1989, a year after my marriage. As you know mine ended a few years ago and theirs continues to thrive. What I notice about them is that they continue to make each other laugh and not just polite or cynical laughter but real belly aching laughter. I am in awe and just a little jealous….in a nice way of course (something for me to work towards in a future relationship). It’s something I intend to spend some time musing on a write about.

    • Thanks Rebecca – your feedback is always much appreciated! Funny how we are thinking along the same lines. Laughing together and respecting each other are absolutely key to a strong relationship. Really looking forward to reading your post after you’ve mused. Hope you’re enjoying the break and have a wonderful weekend. JG

  2. Pingback: 7 Ways NLP is Like a GPS (or a SatNav to the Brits Among You!) | NLP THIRTEEN

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